NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
