Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
