I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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