So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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