Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
where are my eyebrows?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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