Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You work out of a Hotel?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
