Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
