I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
