You just made me feel so damn special
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
