You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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