And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Your penis caused this!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
