The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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