It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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