I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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