One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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