Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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