May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
