I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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