ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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