I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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