I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
