Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
