Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
