I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
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