She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
