I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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