From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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