I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
