So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
