Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just pee around me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
