super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
