she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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