i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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