Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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