i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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