I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
