I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I understand Curling. That high.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
