Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
