shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
