This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
