Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
