I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
