Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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