I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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