I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
