Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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