my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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