YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
