I can tuck mytits in my pants
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
