if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
