I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
