imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need to calm my uterus...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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