I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We are all done wearing pants today
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
