i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
