Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
