I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we're making bets on your personal life
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
