HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
