Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
