i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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