my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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