you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
