Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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