I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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