i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
