even my farts smell like vagina
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
