I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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